Warning: long post ahead
One year ago today. One year ago our lives were drastically
changed and in that day, I thought they changed for the worse, but looking back
I am so thankful!
Part of this post is Aron’s story, but the part of his story
needs to be told so that you can understand mine. His story is his to tell, but
the impact his story has on my life and my story is huge - and rightly so since
we are one flesh in the eyes of our Heavenly Father.
On the morning of January 31, 2019, I woke up to get ready
for Bible Study Fellowship. I heard Gus Gus meowing and clawing at the door,
and as I walked towards the living room, smelled something burning. I walked
into the kitchen and found an empty pot on the stove with the burner on high.
Aron had gone to bed without turning the stove off. As I debated whether or not
to be concerned with his lapse in memory, I heard him get up and go into the
bathroom. We have to go through our bathroom to get to the bedroom. When I went
to get dressed for BSF, the bathroom door was locked. This is very unusual
because we never lock the bathroom doors. Aron was in the shower. I called to
him - no response, I knocked on the door - no response. For 15 minutes I tried
to get his attention to unlock the door for me. Finally, I grabbed our tools
and broke the lock. I walked into the bathroom and yelled to Aron - no
response. I knocked on the shower door - no response. He was upright and alert,
just staring at the wall smiling and not responding to me. I opened the shower
door, yelled his name and even touched his shoulder - still no response, not
even a flinch. I called my mom in a panic. She agreed that I should call
911. While I was on the phone with my mom l heard a crash. Aron had lost
his balance (or briefly fainted, we don’t know for sure) and fell against the
shower door catching himself with his shoulder in the corner of the wall and
door. He the stood back upright. We hung up and she started praying, along
with my dad, my sister and her family. Thank you, Jesus for prayer warriors!
While I was on the phone with dispatch, he sat down in the shower briefly, and
then stood back up. At this time he had been in the shower for close to 45
minutes.
After the paramedics arrived, it took them another 15
minutes to get Aron’s attention, to get the shower turned off and for him
dressed. Once we had his attention, he was very cooperative, but had no idea
what was going on. He didn’t know his name, his birth date, or my name. He only
knew that I was his wife. To the ER we went - Aron via ambulance and me behind
in my car.
In the ER, he had a urinalysis and blood work done, and when
nothing was found, they did a CT scan of his head. The staff in the hospital
were horrible about keeping me informed about what was going on, and I don’t
think I will ever use that hospital ER again, but I trust that God had a
purpose for us using that particular place. Because no medical issues were
immediately found, Aron was transferred to a behavioral health hospital, where
he stayed for 2 weeks.
This is where I begin with my story.
For two weeks, I could only visit him one hour per visit and
only 3 days per week. It was heart-wrenching. During those two weeks, I spent
more time reading my Bible, and crying out to God than probably the entire
previous year. I found Jesus in a place that I never wanted to go. The Holy
Spirit spoke scripture to me and I heard it so clearly. God gave me so much
peace among the unknown. I didn’t know how long Aron would be gone, I didn’t
know what was wrong with Aron – medically and/or mentally, I didn’t know
whether we would stay here or move to be near family.
Some of the Bible verses that really comforted me and spoke
to me (NIV):
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green
pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
Exodus 14:14
14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Joshua 1:8-9
8 Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on
it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.
Then you will be prosperous and successful.
9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not
be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you
wherever you go.”
1 Peter 5:7-10
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls
around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know
that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind
of sufferings.
10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal
glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore
you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever
and ever. Amen.
God has revealed so much to me about myself over the last
year, both good and bad.
I have learned that I desire control, way more than I ever
wanted to admit. I wanted so badly to call up Aron’s drs and therapist and tell
them exactly what is going on, what has happened in Aron’s life (that I was
aware of anyway) and exactly what I thought my diagnosis for him was. I was
encouraged by well-meaning friends to do so as well. However, I felt God
leading me to let go and let Him. He was in control. I felt the Spirit tell me
to – in a nice way – back off and let God work. If I stepped in, I would just
be in the way. I learned to fight the battles through prayer and worship, and
not control. If the hospital called and asked me questions, I was (and still
am) happy to honestly answer and give my input where they ask – but I don’t
initiate.
I have learned that I don’t need to rescue anyone – only
point them to the rescuer (Jesus Christ) and then allow Him to work. But, oh
how I want to be the hero and the rescuer. I would be the first person to give
advice and then get extremely frustrated when my advice wasn’t followed. That
was not the type of friend and person I want to be.
I have learned that in my physically weakest moments, God is
my only strength. Looking back, I can say that the only reason that I made it
to work every day I was scheduled, and that didn’t have anxiety attacks was
because God. God showed up and He still shows up.
I also learned that having a tribe of people praying for you
and encouraging you and walking beside you (even if it’s from miles away) is
such a blessing. I cannot thank my friends and family enough that have stood by
us and prayed for us.
Back to Aron’s part of the story,
One year later, so much healing as taken place, but much
more still needs to come. We’ve had our ups and downs, good days and bad days,
but always taking steps forward. We now know that Aron has PTSD (Post traumatic
stress disorder) and Bi-polar mood disorder as a result of trauma he has
endured. Those details are his to tell if, and when he wants to. The manic
state of bi-polar is most likely one of the reasons for memory lapse and lack
of response.
