Rescuing Heart

Over the last few months, I have learned so much about myself and the person that I want to be. I have experienced friendships that model the kind of friend I want to be towards others. I have also experienced relationships that were unhealthy and allowed me to see where I needed to change.

Let’s go back to November/December. A lady in my bible study discussion gave each of us in our discussion group a book called Reclaiming YourHeart: A Journey Back to Laughing, Loving, and Living. She volunteered/worked with a ministry that used this book.  Fast forward to the first week of January. I decided to read the book finally. And looking back, it was God’s perfect timing! First of all, READ THIS BOOK! It will change your life! Second, while so much of this book impacted my life, I’m only going to share one very small part that played a very large role in changing the kind of friend that I am (at least that’s what I’m striving for).

Screen shots take from the sample on google books.

My name is Angey, and I have a people pleasing, rescuing heart! I want to fix all that’s wrong, I want to make everyone happy and healthy and successful, I don’t want people to feel pain or suffering, I want to save them. Here’s the thing, *I wasn’t created to save people*… I had to say that to myself many times over. I was created to point people to the One True and ONLY Savior – Jesus Christ.

As I said before, God’s perfect timing. At the end of January and into February, our lives were rocked - I’ll go into more detail about that on a later blog post. I needed to lean into Christ more than I ever have before and I needed to lean into friends and family! I am so blessed in that I have a wonderful extended family that prayed for us, sent notes of encouragement and offered assistance in ways that they could from long distance. I have friends that are local that stepped up to make sure I was taking care of myself and that I was doing ok physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have friends that are long distance that were always just a phone call or text away if I needed encouragement or prayers. I am so thankful for my tribe of people! Basically, in this season (we are still walking through some rough stuff), I’m on what I would call the receiving end of the relationship – with any given friend/family member. I’m the one that needs the rescuing – the fixing – according to my old self’s heart. During this hard season, God really opened my heart to seeing the kind of friend I wanted to have and therefore that I wanted to be.

So many friends and family members offered counsel and encouragement and I appreciate every single piece of advice, offer of support, words of encouragement and knowledge from experience. At the end of the day though, I needed God. I needed to hear His voice and know that I was doing what He wanted and following the path that He had laid before us. And quite often, what I felt God saying and what others were sharing with me collided, and I chose God. People were hurt and relationships damaged. And I got it. You see, I have always been that ‘friend’ that gave advice – probably unsolicited – and would get very upset when my friend wouldn’t listen and would choose a different direction. I would be hurt and frustrated and damage the relationship because basically I felt unneeded, unwanted and ignored. And now, I was on the opposite side of the relationship and I understood. What I want people to know and understand is that I absolutely listened to every single person’s advice and help and I took it to heart. I prayed for hours over it because I was treading new waters and had no idea what to do, so I took it all to God, and I trusted Him. He gave me a peace that I cannot describe and pointed me to scripture to back up what I felt He was leading me towards. I will never resent or frown upon advice or encouragement because I know it is out of love.

Here is where I’m changing: I will offer encouragement when I can, I will be available for help and support when I’m asked. And I know, that there are circumstances where stepping up and 'just doing' to help are needed and I will seek God in those moments and pray that He will direct me whether I need to just do, or I should ask first. I won’t get angry, or frustrated, or hurt if my advice isn’t taken or if my help is rejected – I won’t take it personally. I will pray.

I don’t want to be the friend that seems to be in it to rescue and is selfish.

I want to be the friend that is available, listens, encourages and LOVES.

If you have been hurt, frustrated, irritated, etc. because of me, I am sorry. Will you please forgive me. And if you notice rescuing tendencies popping up from me in our relationship, will you please politely bring it to my attention? Let me know that *whatever rescue attempt I'm making* isn't what you want or need. Thank you! Love you all!