God has been doing a great work in my heart through Bible
study and relationships. I find myself angry, hurt, frustrated, irritated,
sarcastic or even happy -- when I shouldn't be -- as a response to something I’ve heard or read. Most of
the time, I’ll be honest, it's from something on social media.
Occasionally, my reaction has come from a passage in the Bible, from a bible
study question about what I read, or from words that were spoken during an
in-person encounter. My immediate reaction is to react out of whatever emotion
I’m feeling, mostly anger. If it’s on social media or an in-person conflict – my
chest will tense up and my anxiety will flair. Because I don’t often like to
engage in debates, controversial topics or any confrontation, I often don’t actually
respond, but just let that emotion seethe within my soul and eat away at my
insides. If it’s a response to the Bible, I will often take it out on God – I
am SO incredibly thankful that He has very large shoulders and can handle whatever words I decide to hurl – and He’s also a God of patience and grace and gives that to
me freely while I calm down.
What God has shown me over the last few months, is that when
something someone provokes me, it is usually my own heart that needs
examination and change. Why is what I heard/read making me angry, sad,
frustrated, etc? Why do I feel the need to react? The simple answer – my pride. I don’t
want to be wrong, I don’t want to learn something new, I don’t want someone else
to be right, I don’t want someone else to have something I don’t, I don’t want
someone else to have what I do have, and the list goes on and on.
Why am I writing this all? Maybe this is something that
someone else needs to consider as well. If you find yourself welling up with not-good
emotional reactions at life, maybe do yourself a favor and check your own heart
first. You may surprise yourself. It could very well be that the emotion that
was provoked is justified and you have very good reason to be angry or sad or
frustrated, but also then take that to heart and see if you can’t come along
side of whatever provoked you and see why it was said/done/written in the first
place and resolve the issue in love and peace rather than stir up more
dissension.
